Cheek

Almost There..

2012-02-05T23:20:00.001+08:00

STUDY STUDY!!
Quit facebooking. Stop checking th phone. Drown out that inner voice filled with dread!
You can't afford to mope, at least not now. Begrudgingly scan through while zoning out's not an entitlement you're privileged to either. You should have known better.

The better of me delivering the ultimatum to fight the devil within.
And should that too fall on deaf ears.. Gambling the guilt card.

Don't let the last of determination waver, it'll all be over in couple more days.
Almost there.

Vanity

2012-02-01T22:51:00.001+08:00

New nails!

2012-01-31T14:00:00.000+08:00

Gundam

2012-01-30T04:55:00.001+08:00

Gunpla Expo World Tour'11 w/ Jovin (:

Leave me alone

2012-01-26T00:18:00.001+08:00

On days like these, I just need to stop caring. Drop it at the snap of the fingers. Leave things as it is. Stop caring how they'd feel. Be... Selfish.

People just gotta understand that I too have problems of my own.

Last Christmas

2012-01-19T18:32:00.001+08:00

The spirits of giving. Santarina event w/ Jen.

2012-01-19T18:26:00.001+08:00

2012

2012-01-13T19:39:00.000+08:00

Hey guys, just in case you're wondering, this space's not dead, at least not yet. Been really busy, haven't had some time to myself, not to mention straightening out my thoughts. So, first post of the year, doing away with the annual new year resolutions. That list is sadly always forgotten halfway, never to be completed. 2011 has been a really awesome year, at certain points I can even say I had th best of both worlds. A pity perfection's short-lived so here I am once again. Keeping my fingers crossed, hoping 2012's gonna treat me well.

Raising my rock glass, to new beginnings and fresh starts (:

2011-12-24T00:45:00.001+08:00

Gave my walls a makeover <3

2011-12-22T22:37:00.002+08:00

Here's to you,

Bitch.

2011-12-21T01:43:00.001+08:00

Tell me this is but a crude joke. I promise I wouldn't be mad.

Those Left Unsaid

2011-12-20T20:57:00.000+08:00

I look at us, undeniably a far cry from before. I look at you, not really recognizing that person anymore.

We've always had differences, unwavering set of thinkings. Through the misfits, reached a certain unspoken understanding - agreeing to disagree.

A tough nut to crack, you always had to get your own way. I dont know what came over but you're way above all that. Many words left unsaid, yet hoping somehow it'll get across.

You were never such to begin with.

Shit may have happened & life's been a bitch, but even that makes a lousy excuse for losing it.

Y'know what I see? You giving up on yourself altogether. I sure hope I am wrong. No one can save you if you don't want to be saved.

I gave up. Don't you too.

Taiwan Honeymoon Part 1

2011-12-18T22:54:00.000+08:00

Very much overdue, Oct 4D3N Taipei escapade

Setting off~

Checking into to our hotel, Starbeauty Hotel 台北星美饭店

A short 10-15 minutes walk to ShihLin Night Market or Jian Tan station, & two 24/7 convenience stores located right at the doorstep!! 7/11 too just 5 minute walk away, with a stretch of diners & eateries open in the day. Talk about accessibility really.

]

TAIPEI~

Beats HK, BKK, Japan, Korea hands down, period.

Towering streets lamps lighting up. The people weave in & out of the crowd.

It's something about the bustling streets that come alive as the night falls that's so enticing. Have always been a sucker for the night scene, &I'm guessing with their prolonged waking hours, I'll fit just right in. Or it might be the overwhelming hospitality of the locals, which took me by surprise, &I'm no way complaining. Sincere or otherwise (on account that we're tourists), you can't help feeling adored, basking in their reception that's most welcoming & inviting.

Part 2 Taiwan post coming up soon, ~~or at least I hope.~~

2011-12-16T00:37:00.000+08:00

#justthewayitworks

Broken Apple

2011-12-06T22:51:00.001+08:00

Dropped my dearest mac from table level couple of days back & nw half the keys are not working ):
Surviving with the keyboard viewer nw but it's just so much of a hassle.

Macbook, you've served me well.
): ): ):

Hush-hush

2011-12-01T01:47:00.001+08:00

Friendships we pretend, relationships we hide,
love we never let show.
We all have secrets: the ones we keep, and the ones that are kept from us.

So here's a confession:

I've been feeling nothing but tired & lethargic lately.

Here's another:

Dear Self, whatever you're doing, it's just not working.

Before those lens

2011-11-16T01:27:00.001+08:00

As Hamlet said to Ophelia, "God has given you one face, and you make yourself another,".
It's a tug of war between these two halves of identity, who we are and who we pretend to be.

Shut up, Brain.

2011-11-02T17:24:00.000+08:00

I was reading in the midst of another of those sleepless nights; Tami Hoag's "Secrets to the Grave".

Coming across sentences that couldn't be more aptly put, so true you could actually relate to.

I might just be sharing those exact sentiments.

A Free Spirit

2011-10-21T04:00:00.002+08:00

Sometimes the darkest nights give rise to the brightest mornings <3

&then I Died a Little Iniside

2011-10-14T02:30:00.000+08:00

Karen's big day at Sentosa Resort & Spa.

Pastel colored theme 21st birthday, a fairytale just like what she wanted.

It's the 2nd birthday celebration together & definitely counting <3

Often distant & disengaged, in their exact words "I'm caught in a movie of my own,".
True story.
Had it been my choice to make, I'd be a blast of energy, bustling with endless positivity.

After all, whoever would be mindful being around rays of sunshine?

My endless trail of thoughts are constantly evoked by the littlest things.

Reeling in all directions out of control & temperamental by nature,

I'm quite the contrary.

Eager, enthusiastic, psyched.
These emotions soon to be a fuzzy blur, probably bringing life to a faraway land most unknown.
These days nothing really appeals, little could interest me.
I don't know if it's seemingly having been there done that, Or an oversight on my part - in taking delight.
The latter would preferably be more ideal of course.
But in the last of my teenage years, there's aplenty of decades in abundance to mull over the mundane world.

On a positive note, the thought of new classes, new modules, nil grades is most liberating.
Not that I'm at all psyched about school, but it's a timely occurrence to channel all that negativity into something productive. 2 months of holidays gone just like that~
All that merrymaking & bumming around isn't exactly healthy.

I've had history. Back to school & I'll still be that girl who skips out of class at every given chance, strolls in class half past ten, put in measly effort, do fairly well enough just to make do.
Shrugging my shoulders if you could actually see. It's no doubt crappy grades & attendance takes a toll on creditability.
But for all that's worth? It's never too late.

Beginning yet another semester on a fresh page.
I'm hopeful. Maybe this time I'll even persist & make it right.
(:

The Games Expo (TGX) 2011 Garena

2011-10-06T08:08:00.000+08:00

9 - 11 Sept With Chloe, Evangeline, Apple & Essane.
Credits to all the respective photographers for the pics! (:

That Battle within Oneself

2011-10-04T06:31:00.000+08:00

A slave to mind, walking all over.

One time too often, I should have known better.
Defeat had it's labels decked all over, in an explicit language almost vulgar.
Gotta concede it was a battle forgone, a struggle within without fighting for.
Back of the hand, dodge of the pries; Seen right through those hovering eyes.
Notwithstanding scrutiny of, beneath the veils of powder & ore;
Crimson swellings, wounds scraped raw, every reflection evokes & taunts.

Subjected to ridicule; Mockery at it's finest.

Never you mind the apparent.

Read me: Traveling!

2011-09-26T04:56:00.000+08:00

'Gotta hand it to you, springing up "surprises" without fail, in all ways we never knew possible.'

My mum's blatant sarcasm was unable to dismiss. An exasperated smile escaped her lips, shaking her head in disbelief.

I'd justify myself & contest that. But then again, her words did aptly sum it up. Missing out on important dates, affirming the wrong flights, fines issued & yet repeating those mistakes time & again. All checked. On several occasions I too am baffled at what I'm capable of, the absurd consequences I actually land myself into. Negligence at its very worst, my cavalier attitude wrecks up messes I can barely account for. Gotta give her some credit for her ability to put up with it all :P Beneath all the harsh & raised voices, I guess she really pampers me in a way or another. Doesn't come across to me all the time, but times I do, I silently take content.

Had my schedules packed for the entire 2 months of semestral break, making quick getaways to shopping heavens, Hong Kong, then Bangkok & next up Taiwan, on Tuesday! P.S. I feel the love mum ♥

Been making explorations in these foreign lands pretty much on my own, doing rather thorough background homework beforehand. These currency charts really come in handy, 've been setting them on my iphone lockscreen, saving the hassle of calculating or even much tapping. Stroke of genius don't you think! Currency fluctuation's sucha bitch though, otherwise they'll even withstand time.

Another great find, app built for scatterbrains like me - Packing Pro. Maybe the lazy ones as well, cause sample lists can be tailored to fit yourself, editable with ease.

For useful phrases for basic conversations, Speak Thai.

Till the next time I return to Bangkok, future references to note & to your benefit:

Be it train stations, hotels, or shopping malls, head straight to information counter first: keep a copy of the directory/map (IMPORTANT!)

Lesson to remember for life & applying it to every holiday trip. No exaggeration, especially when you don't speak their language really. You'll be surprised at the convenience it brings eg. getting lost in the area, taxi drivers clueless of hotel location, wasting of effort running up & down the mall to search for the toilet or for dining, locating a particular shop. Because these brochures contain EVERYTHING (map of the building's surrounding areas, map & shop directory to the mall itself, specific location addresses, useful/emergency telephone numbers, opening & closing hours, recommendations) ENOUGH SAID.

Platinum Fashion Mall ( Over 2500 shops, 3 different zones, how to survive without a guide?! )

Opening hours 9:00 - 20:00

Nearest BTS sky train: Chit Lom

Pra tu nam ( Street away from Platinum, refer to Platinum's map guide )

MBK (Mah Boon Krong) Siam Square nearby too

Opening hours: 10:00AM - 10:00PM

Nearest BTS sky train: National Stadium

Shopping bags deposit FOC at Lvl 6: close at 9pm

Cosmetics at Duty Free significantly cheaper!! Yeahhhh Chanel, Dior, YSL etc.!

You're welcome.

Firsts & Lasts

2011-09-25T18:25:00.001+08:00

"How would it feel to look into the casket, a preservation of th last of one, completely drained of life, as though for the first time? Would that image too be preserved as my sole recollection of my uncle whenever he comes to mind?"

Weren't greeted by no smiling faces or welcoming arms upon arrival at the airport. "So much for not seeing each other for a month," were my exact thoughts then, in reference to my Dad that is. I didn't know what I was expecting given the circumstances, but my fleeting insensitivity boiled down to incompetence of comprehending his loss of a brother. I caught on fast though, as I trailed behind their hastened footsteps & sullen air too that was left hanging behind. I couldn't quite decide my mixed feelings, for the passing of one knitted by blood ties, however any impressions of him a vague blur. I felt compelled to mourn the loss. But I guess it'd be hypocritical to say I was the least affected by his departure per se. That being said, I was frankly taken aback by emotions I couldn't quite foresee. Maybe it was that very sight of my grandmother holding on to my mum for support, shaking with uncontrollable sobs & both women huddled together in tears. A diversion of my gaze landed on my dad & grandfather, trying to keep it in together, yet their clenched jaws & bloodshot eyes gave them away. Or perhaps the moment my grandmother fought back her hesitation & begrudgingly walked on, as we mumbled those last words in our hearts, circling the casket without stopping in our steps to "send them on their way". That gaze that never left his face while she trudged on before breaking down into hysterical cries again. That forlorn & longing look in her eyes was most heart-wrenching.

Death is painful not for the deceased, but the ones left behind.

Lucrative the Least

2011-09-20T21:29:00.000+08:00

I've lost count of the many times I'm propped before my laptop, fingers all poised & ready to type but I don't know where to begin. Hitting the 'delete' key on so many occasions for those words just never did put a finger on it.

Baby steps, no doubt.

But the feeling of regaining my life in control has never felt thus empowering.

Yes, coming from the mouth of one who takes things in my stride, do as I please, have lil' to no time management & zero sense of responsibility.

Cold Hard Truth

2011-09-11T21:43:00.000+08:00

I'm sorry if it hurts, but only true friends say what you don't wanna hear.

19th

2011-08-30T19:23:00.008+08:00

Very much backdated, my 19th that happened over a month ago.

LOL.

Was so caught up with the then ongoing projects & datelines, I was actually mugging at Starbucks at the stroke of midnight. Amidst our books & laptops, the sweet gesture totally caught me off guard.

Fast forward to school, these sweeties gave me my 2nd surprise, appearing with a cake during lunch break (:

&then.. I spent the rest of my birthday sleeping at home because my nap turned into something more,
so I FUCKING MISSED MY CELEBRATION.
Was really looking forward to seeing the clique (hao& co.) after so long ):
That nagging guilt's totally eating me up, for the effort put in yet went to trash literally because I didn't even turn up.
A tad too late to apologize, a little too late to make it up.
Gathering in a couple of months time when all's present k.

Over the weekends, had a mini celebration over private dinner just the 4 of us, haven't been enjoying some girl time on our own lately.

Then joined the guys for drinks at Butterfly, commemoration for all July Babies.

Let's just say I was glad I could leave the place on my 2 feet, cos some got drunk & it wasn't a pretty sight. Hahaha.

Powerhouse celebration with the babygirls~ No group photo though. Was hoping the photos taken w *i-can't-remember-who's* camera would come along, but fast forward 1 month & it's still not showing up. Chengyun & th others also came all the way down just to wish me happy birthday. Touched or what!

&last but not least, the 'party' with the guys that ended off on a wrong note, no thanks to E. But if going through that very day 5 or even 10 times could return you to our sides, I wouldn't even think twice.

Really appreciate the time, gestures & gifts <3
Simple it may be, but with all they who took the effort to make me happy,
I don't need no lavish affair, I mean it.
(:

I say No

2011-08-25T02:19:00.001+08:00

In times of love, in times of loss, in times of change.
This time round? It's loss.

In life you'll meet people whom will never go beyond mere acquaintances, friends that you can let your hair down & have a good time with, & then there are the ones you know you'll always be able to count on.

Some mark chapters, paragraphs or just one liners.

& I've always had my guards up so high, I never stuck around long enough to uncover.

Luck has always been on my side in this aspect though, for that couple whom I can hit it off right away & feel a connection with, defying my slow warming up towards others. &I'm grateful for that.

I've never allowed myself to feel the 'loss' of they who chose to walk out.

If they don't deem the worth to stay, they sure as hell don't deserve to matter.

But what if, they were taken away?

It's not fair.

Feels Good to Know

2011-08-21T18:22:00.001+08:00

The past is constantly reinterpreted from the vantage point of the present. What used to matter then may cease to be significant. After all holding on to that piece of history barely makes it through the passage of time, & words alone just doesn't make up. People change. But maybe all it takes is that little effort to make a difference (:

Dolling Up

2011-08-17T06:56:00.001+08:00

Iphone jailbroken alas.

WARNING: customizing is highly addictive

Hello Kitty lockscreen & slider

Hello Kitty menu & icons

Hello Kitty whatsapp

Hello Kitty notepad

Hello Kitty SMS

Zebra Battery Bar

Turquoise keyboard & Hello Kitty button

Just because Hello Kitty's so readily available & I want a complete theme.

&maybe a lousy excuse for some narcissism. LOL.

The Trip

2011-08-15T23:50:00.001+08:00

Damn you, term paper. I should be granted compassionate leave.

Forget shopping getaway or escapade, it was a sombre trip filled with tears & grieve.

As if the situation weren't bad enough, time constrains reduced me studying on the flight there, between meals, &before bedtime.

Very much untimely, but so was the affair per se.

I'd go on, but I've gotta hit the books. Till then.

Bored in School

2011-08-11T18:21:00.000+08:00

I think we're all demented in a way or another. Some of us just controls it a lil' better.

I'm sorry

2011-07-28T19:29:00.000+08:00

My own "Y U NO"...

It's been a crazy couple of weeks, a roller coaster ride at breakneck speed.
With all this going on around me & barely time to catch my breath,
maybe it's best that I put it off, like I always have been.

19th

2011-07-20T00:01:00.001+08:00

scheduled post:

Happy Birthday to me!

Nightmare ain't over

2011-07-17T17:33:00.001+08:00

If 'sorry' seems to be the hardest word, why does it fail to change a thing?

It was a passing thought out of spite.
A rhetorical question really for I knew the answer only too well.

The petulant teen in me surfaces every now & then, spiteful at the way things are. Gone were the days I could wail so loudly that onlookers would turn and stare, stamp my feet defiantly in attempt to get the toy I want. Throwing tantrums are undeniably the rights that comes along when you're a kid & as we grow up these rights are eventually stripped. I was fairly certain my willful disposition wouldn't get me my way. But watching my life unravelling & wrecked in my very own doings was a struggle per se. I could do without the cold hard truth staring in my face.

It's screwing up that one time & having to do 10 things to make it up. It's screwing up over & over again & realizing amendments just gets harder each time.

There's never such as clean slate, nor room for mistakes.

Welcome to the real world.

Just a Facade?

2011-07-10T14:57:00.001+08:00

I dismiss. I put up. I ignore.

Funny how the let downs still come across.

It's a lethal combination when you put friends and expectations together.
&I always knew never to expect. That way, nothing could disappoint.

OCD

2011-06-21T05:05:00.000+08:00

With whatever that's left of my will power, I peeled my eyes away from the mastermind of it all, guilty as charged for magnifying all imaginable flaws.

On the exterior I set down the stained murder weapon still evident of fresh blood, albeit fighting an internal struggle against the dying urge within.

The urge to prolong the temptation I caved under, the sick satisfaction that got me time travelling.

Had I not taken that single step back, I might not have perceived the actuality of how much the scabs pricked and burnt like wildfire.

&they stung, just like how the sight of my very own reflection did.

Jia's 17th at Aranda

2011-06-09T19:43:00.001+08:00

Dearest ah Bong's surprise 17th birthday celebration at Aranda Country Club.
It was a pleasant get-together after we've been so busy with our own stuff.
Glad the surprise didn't fall through and the customized Hello Kitty cupcakes turned out just like what I had in mind.

Like what i've always promised to you, I hope the celebration's complete & managed to fill the hole in your heart even without J's physical presence(:
Happy birthday sweetheart! <3

A snail left with shell

2011-06-02T06:14:00.002+08:00

I feel strangely devoid of emotions of late.

At this very moment, that pretty much sums up everything that's on my mind. &the fact that I'm blankly staring at this white space that's staring back at me? It only validates it more.

Short Hiatus

2011-05-25T02:46:00.003+08:00

True integrity is doing the right thing when no one is watching.
Truth to reality is; how many can actually do it.

I ain't no angel

2011-05-15T23:15:00.000+08:00

People screw up. They make mistakes. But that doesn't make them bad, that makes them human.

Read me: Should you need closure

2011-04-27T01:09:00.002+08:00

To my future self,
someday when my heart gets broken & needs a wake-up call.

"You can be as mad as a mad dog at the way things went.

You could swear, curse the fates, but when it comes to the end, you have to let go."

When it comes to loss, I've never been sporting in that aspect. I need all the closure I could possibly get. The explanation, the amicable settlement, the clean break, everything men can't give. It's this lingering thought of possible reconciliation that makes me do the silliest things (which i'll probably think back of in shame by the way), not-so-accidental bumps into one another, drunk-dialing, long sappy texts & the list goes on. Even after establishing the fact that it's over out loud, more than often there's still this tinyyyy part of me that's secretly hoping that things would be different.

Folly, I know.

So I'm keeping my fingers crossed that even then, when the heart takes over the brain &I'm unable to think straight, these words would make as much sense as it does now.

- If you can't save the relationship, at least save your pride.

- I don't love men who love other woman. I think of myself higher than that.

- At some point you will realize that you have done too much for someone or something, that the only next possible step to do is to stop. Leave them alone. Walk away. It's not like you're giving up, &it's not like you shouldn't try. It's just that you have to draw the line of determination & desperation.

Enough said.

(If it's of any help, these words are yours to keep. I'm fairly certain I wouldn't be needing it in the near future :> Matters of th heart just ain't my thing. When it comes to giving relationship advices, I'm your Aunt Agony. Too bad I suck at heeding them when it comes down to my own relationships. )

You're in luck hon

2011-04-19T18:50:00.001+08:00

All you macbook users are totally gonna love me to death!!!
I found the BEST editing tool that's seriously dope, period! I can't even begin to describe how awesome it is?! Honestly who cares about different camera lens, settings & all the miscellaneous stuff when this tool alone can give the effect of all that? I know for one I don't!

Before & after~

The end result...

The Before...

Getting artsy toycamera effects, polaroid frames with zero photography/editing skills ♥

To say i'm delighted with my find's a huge understatement & i can foresee that i'll be toying around with it prettyyyy often ^^

Down side to it? It's an unlimited trial. Unless you purchase it there's this watermark logo at th bottom but it doesn't bother me the least so yep, that's fine with me.

&because i'm as amazing & selfless like that ^^ , here's the link for you to download it:

http://www.apple.com/downloads/macosx/imaging_3d/toycameraanalogcolor.html

Snuggling in bed ♥

2011-04-04T04:18:00.001+08:00

Two last weeks till it marks the end of holidays. Feels like I haven't been doing anything meaningful but damn, it feels so good to dawdle & laze around in bed till the sun goes down & having no datelines to meet with. I could really get used to living life like a loafer. &for the rare occasions that i commit to working without calling in sick...

Too little, too late

2011-03-31T09:31:00.004+08:00

Having painted nails is an evil, evil addiction.

&I finally kicked the habit!!! :>

Funny thing is, my love for party scenes only ceased when all was lost.
Talk about irony.

Wrong move, honey

2011-03-29T03:23:00.001+08:00

Your opinions once did matter, until you screwed it up by making wrongful presumptions that since deemed your words worthless.

Someday down the road...

2011-03-22T20:42:00.001+08:00

Should the day come that i decide to do something about my tattoo (&should i be tons richer by catching money that fell from the sky), I'd get a bird tattooed over.

Patterning your life around someone else's words is nothing but slavery.
Never allowed parents, teachers, guys nor friends to dictate how i should lead my life& probably never will.

xoxo,
the rebel in me

Curling up in bed

2011-03-11T09:28:00.000+08:00

Ronald: what are you doing?
Me: Suffering in my pain.

Cramps.are.killing.me ): ): ):
Pink panadols, please work your magic.

Letter to Santa

2011-03-05T13:08:00.000+08:00

Found this when i was spring cleaning my macbook, a themed weekly journal we had to write for one of the modules in semester 1.

Dear Santa,

We are all opinionated in a way or another. It’s just how far we’re willing to stand by it, even if it doesn’t abide majority consent.

I blog. Majority of the chunk of words I wrote are actually banished to drafts forever, never to be published. I cannot deny my will to express myself falters, much as I find words are the best medium to express myself. Fear of being contradicted, fear of being brutally honest, fear of any misconceptions I may have, or may be generated towards myself. All in all, fear of being judged. These recurring fears haunt on every blog posts that I bare my soul to.

Because it is so much easier to go with the flow than against. To be amongst the crowd than be crowded around by. I am this much of a wimp to hesitate when it’s the respective latter. I was never one to have courage of my own convictions and it does leave me in endless admiration, to see those coming forth to express themselves in ways that differ from the norm.

So this time round, I wish for guts.

Loads of love,

No, it's not okay

2011-02-22T01:19:00.000+08:00

You don't know how it feels to be uncomfortable in your own skin,

to be self-conscious when you catch a glimpse of yourself in the reflection,

to wanna curl into a ball of inferiority when you spot someone gorgeous,

to look down and feel ashamed of your thighs pressed against the chair.

Going on a crash diet.

Thrill of chase

2011-02-20T07:21:00.001+08:00

~~Go on, fall asleep in the middle of our conversation.~~
~~I don't have the right to be angry at you.~~

I'm not a puddle of self-pity. We all want what we can't have.That must be it.

Second thoughts

2011-02-19T07:03:00.001+08:00

I really really need to rant.
It's like this huge bubble of anger building up in me with strings of profanities running through my head.
Honestly? You really should go to the self help aisle in bookstores & read up on respecting other's privacy cause you AIN'T GOT ANY.
I really don't appreciate you going through my phone & reading my texts aloud.
It's one thing to be fooling around, but it's another when you don't know when to stop.
I have the highest tolerance level anyone can comprehend & when i do make my stand firm on something, i'm not kidding either. My bad if i didn't make my anger known by screaming my head off.
You've seriously crossed the line this time round.
If you could have just let it go when I told you to stop. But you just couldn't, could you?
You just had to fulfill that burning curiosity of yours which would KILL if you didn't, poking your nose into somebody else's business.
&knowing you being you, it's prolly the ego that's getting in the way.
You fairly knew i was pissed.

&knowing me being me, the anger in me would probably cease in an hour tops & all would be bygones. Just feeling a little crestfallen by it all, period. Reading back I guess I'd think i'm being too harsh on my words but that's how i genuinely felt at that moment so that's that.

Sometimes I wish I'm stronger within, to be standing by myself & not just let matters blow over with such ease. Because many a times, they'd just take you as a pushover & thinking just a 'sorry' would do it.

How now brown cow?

2011-02-18T01:49:00.002+08:00

I always make things difficult for myself, don't I? Leaving everything to the very last minute just to satisfy my fill of fun. You totally deserve this, 4 solid chapters to cram in less than 12 hours without getting a wink of sleep.

Cigarette please.

Lighten up, everybody!

2011-02-09T17:49:00.001+08:00

When schoolwork takes its toll on us...

Do the silliest stuff & laugh over it (:

Lesson to Remember

2011-02-06T22:58:00.002+08:00

A known HongKong host once penned this down to his son.

Son, these words i have for you swears by 3 principles.
- Life ain't a bed of roses. Likewise to how some things are better left unsaid, some things are better said sooner than too late.
- I'm your father. Should i not be saying these, no one else would.
- This memorandum records down life lessons i've learnt through pain, failures & loss. I sincerely hope that with these words kept in mind, you would not have to learn it the hard way.

1. Don't be too mindful of they who do not treat you right. In life, no one has obligations to treat you well besides your mum and I. For they who do, treasure them and be grateful for, but do keep your guards up anyhow. Because for everything anyone does, there's always a motive behind.

2. Nobody is irreplaceable, nothing is indispensable. As long as you've reached the complete understanding of this, no obstacles will be too great of a deal.

3. Life's short. The sooner you start cherishing life, the earlier you would live life to it's fullest, instead of hoping for longevity.

4. Love is all but a word. Love is simply temporary emotions you go through and these emotions will alter with time and circumstances. Should your supposed loved ones leave you, please be patient and let time heal all wounds and ease your pain. Do not overly dwell in the beauty of love. Do not overly wallow in the pains of loss.

5. Albeit many accomplished individuals has never had much educations nor attained many certifications, that does not suggest that success can be derived without. The knowledge you gain are your weapons. They can be entrepreneurs starting out from scratch, but they cannot be unarmed.

6. I will not ask of you to provide for the rest of my life and similarly I would not do the same. My responsibility is up once you're ready for independence. When the day comes, your future is in your own hands may you be taking buses or get chauffeured around, scrimping for meals or having abalone abound.

7. You may expect yourself to honor promises but you can't request others to do the same. Whatever you expect of yourself and others, do not expect them to reciprocate or do the same. Many a times they will fail you. &that's prolly how the saying "without expectations, there is no disappointment" comes about.

8. Cherish every moment regardless how much time we can have. Kinship is fate that only comes once in a lifetime.

I found this handwritten note by my bedside when I woke up today. However mine came with an extra one-liner, "These are the words i have for you too. -Daddy".

P.S. I translated this from chinese to english on my own, so do excuse the literal translation. &I can't say i didn't feel the lump in my throat as i read through it.

Chin up

2011-02-02T03:43:00.002+08:00

Random Facts
- Not loving the rainy days, wet sidewalks & getting caught in the downpours.
- I've been sick for over a week but on the road to recovery. Nevertheless I made the most out of it, getting MC(s) without feigning it.
- I don't get those lovey dovey couples. &Yes, seeing them gaze lovingly into each others eyes makes me bitter inside.
- It's CNY eve & i've a long day ahead of me, packed with activities but I'm not the least hyped up.
- I snipped off inches of my hair. Prolly the shortest it's ever been in the recent 5 years. You guys might think it's not that huge of a difference but it is a damn big deal to me. I'm also secretly hoping that with the change, the tables would turn.
- I'm one of those people who knows better than to get my hopes up high, but still does it anyway.

Abstain, Resist, Reject

2011-01-24T04:20:00.000+08:00

I guess if i were you, I'd fall for them too.

Ye Sheng's 21st

2011-01-20T22:12:00.000+08:00

Food lovingly prepared by Shauna & the girls

Celebration for Ye Sheng's 21st at a hotel in Sentosa spelled gathering for CGASM(:
The birthday boy with ultra low alcohol tolerance was all high after a cup.
Smashing of the cake, taking a million photographs, drinking & chatting while soaking our feet in the jaccuzi, heading over to Azzura, &more catching up with the girls.

Me hearts such bonding sessions very very much ♥
It's time spent like this that makes me feel Saturdays mean much more than just spending the entire night at a club.

Analytical breakdown

2011-01-14T03:25:00.004+08:00

At times i wonder, what actually went wrong.
I always thought I am level-headed when it comes down to matters of the heart. I guess i thought wrong.
Honestly to date I can't quite put a finger to it.
It was frequent quarrels, followed by days of cold treatment, making up, &the cycle repeats again.

Yea I sucked on my part. I guess I did make a couple of mistakes that was a complete let-down. Initially I admit I had my reservations for if past experiences had taught me anything, entrusting 100% only leads to heartbreaks & more heartbreaks. All i wanted was to still keep my social life but not for a moment did it slip my mind that i was emotionally attached.

To be fair you've got your own share of fears. Just so happens that those fears of yours coincides with this lifestyle I choose to keep. It wasn't like I crossed the line or anything, &trying to make you understand that weren't something I accomplished. Words of assurance coming from the bottom of my heart didn't seal it. &then came the promise I couldn't keep. I shouldn't have spoken words i couldn't honor. Thing is, I've no issue if it's a literal sacrifice. But if I had to sit around at home on a saturday night? Sorry I tried & i can't, not in the long run.

For a period i felt sincerely apologetic. "Sorry-s" said came to naught. Hon there's only limited times a girl can go beneath herself just to ask for forgiveness. Cold shoulder you gave weren't helping either. Simply shutting me out for days, refusing to talk about it & hoping that time would make it go away? You think i'm immature, but how about yourself. Many a times i willed myself to walk away. A simple text it may be, but that's all it takes to leave me hanging and eat my words.

Those aside, the list of issues goes on. My insecurities kicking in, the absence of your assurance. My need for constant attention, your lack thereof. in my opinion? my insecurities could really be justified. Texts in a day amounted to my fingers on one hand. The many times my phone buzzed but only between hours would your name appear on my screen. The deafening silence during phone calls.

&that honeymoon period which everyone speaks of. Whatever did happen to those needy periods that you can't spend even a day apart from one another? Or those public displays of affection you couldn't resist because it felt like no one else existed though they are indeed watching? I guess it just never happened, at least not for you & me.

Well, we both fucked up.

I'll probably have second thoughts should i save this in drafts. So i'm clicking publish before i start acting like a wimp & backing out for being so forthcoming w my inner thoughts. This would be the last of such posts. &please.don't.judge.me.thankyouverymuch.

2011 New Year Resolutions

2011-01-11T21:13:00.000+08:00

Is it just me, or did 2010 pass in the blink of an eye?
With the arrival of 2011, comes the reviewing of 2010 resolutions!

1. Treasure those who love me, cancelling out they who don't.

I'm not the best daughter, sister nor best friend you can have,

but i'll do something in the efforts department.

(A for effort!)

Simply put, those whom are still around are those I deem worth the stay in my life. &For that, I'm thankful of (:

2. Putting my happiness secondary.

2009 has been wild, went ahead with acts which my loved ones would have frowned upon, though i was genuinely happy. Gotta stop being so selfish, &put others before myself.

I guess this might be the benchmark to being the ideal one i'd like myself to be & who i really am. I'd just hafta keep working on this then!

&2011 resolutions...

1. Obtain my driving license
When it's out of reach (ie. not eligable), it seemed like it was all i wanted. Half a year since i hit 18 and still i've yet to even enroll. I KNOW RIGHT, procrastination stretched to its maximum.

2. Make a stand and stick with it.
For my determination & perseverance's only so limited, my grounds waver more than i'd like them to. Gotta stop crumbling under words, emotions & circumstances.

3. Survive school (yeah, that much dreaded word)
Even if it means forcing myself out of bed, trudging unwillingly to school, rushing assignments at the very last minute, just pull through.

You're my weakspot

2010-12-26T04:55:00.002+08:00

You know one of those moments? One when everything is so perfect and so wonderful that... you almost feel sad because nothing could ever be this good again.

I should really stop reliving that scene in my head.
&I wish erasers could wipe out my memory, just like it does with written mistakes.
Because,
I don't wanna hafta be having these emotions surging through me when i listen to sad songs.
I don't wanna be tearing up for you in my drunken stupor.

For the longest times I've been devoid of emotions, romantic interest at its deepest slumber.So... it shouldn't be too hard to get back on track, right?

Love, Lies, Lust

2010-12-24T06:00:00.000+08:00

Playing in the background - Don't Want an Ending by Sam Tsui

Had always knew this predicament would be forthcoming.
I took the risk, but i'm done fighting.
I guess we had it coming, given the overpowering silence during phone calls, that connection which has been missing.
Now i'm shrugging my shoulders, because guys ain't worth the crying.
Just wish you've had a lil more guts to end things than to leave me lingering.

This is it, then.

holidays, oh yea!

2010-12-17T03:55:00.000+08:00

In another 12 hours, one last presentation to go & IMMA FREE BIRD!!
The long awaited December break is finallyyyy here, though i can't say i'm deserving of.
I'm gonna flip my body clock upside down, be the nocturnal owl that i am,
sleep in everyday without the disturbance of annoying alarm clocks,
stay up till i see the break of dawn, paint the town red (it's the festive season, hon), spend every single day with my beloveds & put my brain to hibernation mode for 2 weeks.

maybe you can't hear me, but deep down i'm shouting.

♥♥♥

Skin & bones

2010-12-15T00:08:00.005+08:00

Reviving this space.

My thin inspiration.

Damn, those legs are to die for.

Note to self: Pleasure derived from food's momentary. The overwhelming guilt that comes along aftermath which makes you feel like crap? That's the one that doesn't go away.

I'm currently unavailable, please try again later.

2010-12-13T18:33:00.001+08:00

Today's another of those days when...

I ignore texts. I let the phone ring. I log off facebook chat.

It's nothing personal, but people need to realize that sometimes, I just don't wanna talk.

Okay fine. Exceptions still made, to certain somebodies.

Raising the white flag

2010-12-10T02:21:00.001+08:00

The many times i watch your retreating back view walk away makes me feel like the entire world is at loggerheads with me.

Fighting the urge to go running back into your arms.

Searching for the strength within myself to walk away.

&should i ever do, i'm not walking away from us.

I'm walking away from you, from attempting to stir those emotions that never existed on your part, from throwing tantrums at your lack of attention, from trying to pry your arms open, from being the fool in love.

Self-constrain

2010-11-20T00:36:00.000+08:00

12.06am & here I am, propped before my laptop without a tinge of make-up on.
It wouldn't be a rare sight, if today weren't a friday night.
I've got options, aplenty in fact.
But...

Goodbye, party nights.
Good riddance, i hope.

Loving the cold shoulder

2010-11-05T19:53:00.002+08:00

What can i say?
This is all new to me & i know i'm not exactly the best there is around.
I'm sorry for my shortcomings but i promise i'll try my best.
For it's how words and actions can either make or break my day,
that makes me wish there was a little more patience, trust & tolerance.

&what hurts th most?
Your actions ain't exactly showing you're putting in effort to make it right, all over again.

I'd never have thought...

2010-10-25T16:56:00.003+08:00

When you're the one smiling to your phone just cause you received a sweet text,

catching plush toys from machines becomes a memory keepsake,

&couple seats at cinemas has found its purpose once again.

Everyone makes things sound so easy.

I wish they were.

Over the past month, a string of events I'd never have thought would happen took place.
But that's just life, right? Unexpected & full of surprises.

Martel, I've missed you so.

2010-10-16T00:40:00.000+08:00

If I am on my macbook right now, it really would be very Carrie Bradshaw, Sex & the City-ish.
Taking off to a foreign land alone.
Travelling around the country and shopping as a lone soul still.
Meeting up with the girlfriends here.
Bidding goodbye with "See you in Singapore," (I've been wanting to say this for the longest time)
Fingers flying over the keys, surrendering the day's thoughts before bedtime.

It all seems so surreal.
If only, I wasn't on the next flight back.

Under one roof

2010-10-08T02:55:00.000+08:00

We're all at home, but to each a laptop propped on our laps.

We're all talking, but to the receiver over the other end of the phone.
We own a dining table, but we never have our meals together and it has since lost it's purpose.

A family potrait would have been more apt.
But really most are old school photographs, evidently shows how long we've not taken any.

Very bored & random

2010-09-27T19:36:00.001+08:00

Hi peeps it's me with black hair.
I cannot begin to describe the shock on everyone else's faces when they see me with black hair for the first time. They either hate it or love it. But these days when i look myself in the mirror it no longer gets to me as much. (It felt like I was going through a minor depression at first, no kiddinggg.)

Initial plan for the day was to head down to town but someone left me in the lurch.
The urge in me to shop is an inflating balloon that is stretched to it's maximum, &we never ever reach there in time before the shops closes.

I, am, so, bored.
&i, really, really, need to go on a dietzsxzsxzsx.

Blogging for bby girl

2010-09-20T03:40:00.001+08:00

There is always this someone whom you never be able to let go. How true, starting to dislike those partying nights when the drunk self gets the best of you, forgetting the important and crucial matter or person that deserves your attention. You've fully forgotten who has always been there for you through out and are affected by the ones who get out of your life the moment they destructed it, fml max.

Volunteering help to blog for bby girl only to voicing out personal opinions.

I wish i could say i don't deserve this

2010-09-09T21:49:00.001+08:00

I did it again.
While the rest of the universe (much exaggeration i know, but still, it proves my point) are popping champagnes celebrating the end of examinations, here I am fretting over my absence.
My carelessness has truly overdone this time round.
Had I been a tad more meticulous,
I could be having a hell of a time partying every night away without this fear tugging at my heartstrings,
be obtaining my driver's license or requesting any other wants (the dear iphone 4) from the parents which have since gone down the drain,
whizzing away to which ever country my dad's making his next destination to, think perfect getaway with mouthwatering food and endless shopping sprees.

All these would now be on hold.
I hate this nagging guilt that'seating me up.
): ): ): ):

There, I've let it out

2010-08-30T08:30:00.001+08:00

Photos are in no way of any relation to my words below.

Don't judge.
Your showing of disdain towards my friends, only goes to show how little respect is present.
Just so you know, albeit me not lashing out doesn't mean you can outrightly demean they whom I choose to hang out with, they whom you know nuts about.

Ps. The least you could do is keep mum. Thanks.

2308

2010-08-23T11:57:00.002+08:00

That someone whom never started out as your bestfriend,

rather one who was a sore to your eye.

That someone whom you spent half your adolescence with,

watching each other grow up with time.

That someone whom you tell your life darkest secrets to,

taking them to your very grave.

So to that someone whom i'd rather forsake my own personal happiness for than to see us both unhappy,
I take content in knowing the feeling's mutual,
&we'd share our joys and woes.
*Relating back to that incident never fails to make me smile.
Happy Birthday dearest.

Hello there, insomnia

2010-08-16T09:39:00.011+08:00

This is a scheduled post drawn up at 9.56 on a saturday morning no thanks to insomnia & major boredom.

Can't agree more that it's a great way to have consistent updates though.

The party scene was never mine.

I used to scoff at such, I did.

My confession? I enjoy the late nights, uh huh.

Note to self:

Stand firm, babe.

Just because our ideas of 'having fun' now is no longer the same,

doesn't mean your personal principles hafta go down the drain.

Ps. I hate my new fringe.

2010 Birthday

2010-08-13T01:25:00.000+08:00

Thank you for the celebration!

May not be often that we meet up, but for that every now & then, I know our friendship will always be able to withstand time ♥

Very backdated.
I had put off this post for the longest time but now that it's my ~~holidays~~ or rather study break,
I've no excuse.
Awesome celebrations with all the above and much more.

Knowing that i lead a nocturnal lifestyle that differs from the norm,
my dad left a post-it on the fridge that read,
"宝贝女儿，生日快乐!"
&also a cake inside.

What more can I ask for, having all the ones I love gathered together& around me?

All in all I had a great one & thank you all for making it possible.
It really speaks alot, all they who took their time out just for me.
Shall cut the mushy talk and keep them at the bottom of my heart ♥

Truckloads of love,

Don't sell yourself short.

2010-08-04T21:32:00.001+08:00

Perhaps the alcohol's that's flowing in me, is the only thing that keeps me falling asleep at night.
The conscious and righteous in me can hardly keep up with who I am these days.
Beats being two faced in the change of situation, but really there should be no honour in the 'They're worse off' competition.
And at least in my drunken stupor, I wouldn't be bothered by you, you, you, you.

2010-07-26T00:04:00.000+08:00

I like running away from reality, &I do it well.

Sleepyhead

2010-07-22T20:10:00.000+08:00

David's birthday.

If there's anything I learnt in the past couple of weeks, it's that late nights and school days don't mix very well together.

Shall do a round-up of my birthday when the photos start coming in(:
Gotta go rush out my assignments now!
My dear bed, the thought of you has never been so tempting.

I'm a mess

2010-07-16T02:35:00.000+08:00

I screwed up, real bad.

It's like at the start of what seemed like a new phase of my life,

I told myself to start afresh and to give my very best.

Never mind disappointing others, but I let myself down too.

A leopard will never change it's spots?

Seems like there's a reason to how cliches come by.

Queen of Procrastination

2010-07-06T04:10:00.000+08:00

I had meant to blog, from the bottom of my heart.
but seeing it's 4.09am right now...

I'm still, me

2010-06-17T06:21:00.002+08:00

It amazes me how aloof I can be towards the opposite sex, romantically.
While I've had my fair share of the perks of single-hood, all the late nights spent partying away cannot be compared to just a simple night spending quality time snuggling in w your loved ones.
It's been the longesttttt time since i last had a pair of arms around me.
(though i do silently revel in their pain when I see couples going through rough patches)

But,

much as i would like to wake up to a text from an expected someone,
having someone to watch your back, looking out for you in the littlest things,
taking delight in the courtship, honeymoon period of a relationship,
or even enjoying a casual flirtatious moment...

I can't.

I can never get past texting someone for more than an entire day.
&you'll be surprised at the measures i take to distant myself away from one who has the slightest interest in me. It's like I'd rather pull away than mislead & cause any broken hearts, if y'know what i mean.
I'm so emotionally detached sometimes i even miss the drama of one-sided love, no kidding!

Oh well,
The grass is always greener on the other side.
&until I manage to arouse my romantic interest from it's deep slumber,
I shall shut up and die a forty-year-old virgin.

❒ Taken ❒ Single ✔Enjoying Life

Still alive & kicking

2010-06-11T00:51:00.001+08:00

As my title says it all, I'm still alive & kicking.
Here's a flash of my life for the past month(?).
&yes, my dear ahbong's birthday!
Much belated, but it's been a really great year with her by my side.
Comparing this year & 2009, we're in totally different positions.
There's been a lot happening around us but it's the fact that we're still by each other's side which pretty much proves that we'll not drift apart.
Looking back, milestones in our friendship which marks a certain significance appears in my mind.
Our very first bus ride home which got us opening up to each other, chilling out at J's place, the 12 hour chat we had that never ran out of topics to say, conversations over the phone when we had insomnia, consoling you when you& J were going through rough patches, the waits on the sidewalk for a cab home when dawn breaks, lying next to you and silently watching you tear when J was in trouble, studying sessions, you being there for me when i had tiffs with my mum & the list goes on. (this may sound lesbian-ish but these are what makes us such best friends)
&my dear girl, you've never minded me being the 'lightbulb' during times when you were w J. Talks with the both of you has been a real enjoyment, &speaking of him suddenly makes me miss him as a friend too! Till he's back, I'll do my best to fill up any emptiness you have.
Through rain or shine, it makes me look back in awe and wonder, "What could i have done without you?"
Thanks for being who you are. Much love! ♥

Back to my pile of assignments now!
PS. i think... my blogging 'feel' is back!

You, you, you

2010-05-30T20:18:00.000+08:00

(CLICK HERE!)

first sales ever at behindthscene!

I make the silliest blunders.

The other day, it took me 4 stations (over a period of fifteen minutes) to realise I got on the wrong train.

Busy would be an understatement

2010-05-23T21:14:00.000+08:00

12 hours of sleep yet my eyelids feel like a million pounds.
5 assignments due tomorrow.
- Interview questions for 1000 word article
- Weekly Journal
- Speech Outline for ICA2
- Scriptwriting on print article
- 2 Page Proposal

It's gonna be a long, long night.
No thanks to you, procrastination.
_!_

Much backdated

2010-05-15T01:25:00.000+08:00

With weekly journals & a 1000 word article to write,

these assignments on hand leave me no time to spare.

So yea, I'm a lifeless soul stuck at home on a friday night.

I'll be back soon

2010-05-12T00:26:00.000+08:00

When you really believe in yourself, you don't have to bring people down.

BehindthScene Updated!

2010-04-28T21:53:00.000+08:00

What's summer without maxi dresses?

Exclusively designed & manufactured by us, available in both Black & White!

(Click Here to Shop!)

'Computer Junkie'

2010-04-27T03:07:00.000+08:00

Perks of school; new clothes, new macbook (!!), new amount of allowance.

new environment, new schmates, last-min-wardrobe-panics (dang why didn't i ever appreciate uniforms), early mornings & late nights, not so cool.

I can go on forever ranting about how i don't open up to people easily & me dashing to find familiar faces at breaks, how i'm still getting the morning blues, how 50% of my expenses contribute to cab rides to school (thank god it's nyp) & what's nots. But on a lighter note, things are definitely looking up. A pat on the shoulder for surviving week 1!

Okay i need to shut up & hit the sack.

Should i be barging into class muttering 'Sorry I'm late,' yet again, i can jolly well dig a hole & die of embarrassment / tape that line down & hit replay every morning.

Goodnight earthlings!

Ali's birthday chalet

2010-04-25T02:25:00.000+08:00

My apologies for abandoning this space for a whole week.

Early mornings have taken it's toll on me.

Don't forsake my blog for some other okay?!

I'll be back soon!

Just not a People Person

2010-04-15T20:35:00.002+08:00

too many photos yet to be uploaded!):

Today, it felt like time was crawling.
Frequent glimpse at the watch only amounted to seconds ticking away.
Unfamiliar surroundings, faces of strangers, the tension in the air,

all the small talk& getting to know one another?

It sucks to be confined& left with no choice but to adapt.

It's gonna be a long way before the unfamilarity goes away till comfort sets in.

Day at the Beach

2010-04-13T06:34:00.002+08:00

Gave my blog a whole new makeover!